Inspired by the teachings of Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks
The Summary
Yaakov and Eisav are about to meet again after twenty-two years apart. Their last encounter ended with Eisav vowing to kill Yaakov for taking his blessing. Yaakov sends messengers to let Eisav know he is on his way. They return with worrying news: Eisav is coming to meet him – with a force of four hundred men. The Torah then says: “Yaakov was greatly afraid and distressed.” (Bereishit 32:8)
Why the double expression - afraid and distressed? They seem rather similar. We are also taught that every word in the Torah is important, so there must be something to be learned from the emphasis on Yaakov’s fear and distress, or we wouldn't see both adjectives in the text.
The Midrash offers a profound answer: “He was afraid that he might be killed, and distressed that he might have to kill.”
Fear is physical anxiety; distress is moral anxiety. Yaakov feared for his own life - but also dreaded becoming the cause of another’s death.
Yet this raises a question: Jewish law permits self-defence If Eisav attacked, Yaakov would be permitted to fight back, even to kill if necessary. In such a situation, it would not cross a moral line. So why was he distressed?
Rabbi Shabbetai Bass, author of Siftei Chachamim, suggests: Yaakov feared that in defending himself, he might harm Eisav’s men - some of whom might not be intent on killing him personally. The Torah demands the minimum use of force. If someone can be stopped without being killed, it is wrong to take their life. Yaakov was distressed at the possibility that, in the confusion of battle, he might cross that moral line.
There is another possibility: that Yaakov’s distress was deeper still. Even if killing in self-defence were completely justified, he would still feel anguish at having to take a life.
This introduces the idea of a moral dilemma. Many moral conflicts can be resolved - Jewish law provides principles to decide between competing duties, such as breaking Shabbat to save a life. But a dilemma is different: it is a situation in which every option involves pain or loss. Yaakov faced one - he must either risk being killed, or kill another, to survive. Both options troubled him.
Sometimes doing the right thing doesn’t free us from regret. There are choices that remain tragic, even when morally justified. A righteous person may act correctly yet still feel sorrow at what had to be done.
Judaism is acutely aware such moments. Its laws are detailed, but not every moral tension can be solved with logic alone. The greatness of Yaakov was that he felt distress even when rightly defending himself - a sign not of weakness but of moral sensitivity.
That same quality has stayed with the Jewish people throughout history. After Israel’s Six Day War in 1967, when the nation faced destruction but achieved a miraculous victory, the mood among soldiers was not celebration, but reflection. Yitzhak Rabin, then Chief of Staff and later the Prime Minister of Israel, described it as follows:
“Their joy is incomplete… The warriors saw not only the glory of victory but the price of victory: their comrades who fell beside them… even the terrible price our enemies paid touched the hearts of many.”
Yaakov’s inner conflict lives on in his descendants. And a people capable of feeling distress, even in victory, is one that knows the tragic complexity of the moral life. Sometimes it is not enough to make the right choice. We must also strive to create a world where such choices do not arise, because we have sought and found non-violent ways of resolving conflict.
Around the Shabbat Table
Questions to Ponder
1. Have you ever faced a situation where every choice felt wrong in some way? What did you do?
2. What’s the difference between physical danger and moral danger?
3. Which do you think is harder to face?
A Takeaway Thought
Yaakov’s fear was not only for his own life, but for what he might be forced to do. Judaism recognises that some choices are tragic even when they are right. True courage is facing the danger without losing our humanity.
Exploring the Parsha
With Sara Lamm
The Parsha in a Nutshell
Vayishlach means “And he sent.” After twenty years in Charan, Yaakov has packed up his cattle, gathered his wives and children, and left the house of Lavan. Now he is finally returning to his family home. But there is something on his mind. He ran away because Eisav (his brother) wanted to kill him. So before he returns, he makes a few preparations.
He sends messengers to Eisav, to deliver his hopes for peace. They report that Eisav is coming with four hundred men. So Yaakov prays to Hashem, prepares gifts that may appease Eisav, and readies himself for danger. He also splits his family into two groups, hoping to make them harder to find and ensuring their safety.
That night, after helping his family all cross the river ahead of him, Yaakov remains behind. He is alone, and in the dark. Then he meets a mysterious man. An angel, perhaps? They wrestle until daybreak. Then he tells the being, “I will not let you go until you bless me.” Wounded yet victorious, he is given the new name “Yisrael”, and limps forward on his journey.
Then Yaakov and Eisav meet and - surprisingly - they embrace. They part in peace.
In Shechem, Dina is harmed and Shimon and Levi respond. Rachel dies giving birth to Binyamin on the journey, Yaakov reunites with Yitzchak, and the parsha ends by detailing the lineage of Eisav and Edom.
Parsha Activity
Freeze Wrestling
Two players stand facing each other and try to make the other laugh, lose balance, or move backwards first. There’s one restriction: No touching at all! The “wrestling” is purely about focus and restraint. The first to wobble over, or laugh, or retreat, loses the round, and the next player stands up to face their opponent.
For a bonus activity, at the end of each round, the two opponents can give each other blessings and new names to reflect positive attributes about their character, just like the angel did for Yaakov!
A Story for the Ages
Frenzied Football
Daniel was the captain of his school’s football team. It had been a year of highs and lows for the players, but throughout it all they had trained hard, and Daniel did his best to lead them well. Now it was the final match of the year, and if they won, they’d be the champions of their district! The score was tied, and there were four minutes left. Suddenly a player from the other team drove into Daniel from behind.
He hit the ground hard. The referee didn’t catch it. But Daniel knew exactly what had happened. So did the crowd. And so did his teammates. When the boys saw him fall, they ran over to help him up. Angrily they told him to “give it back to him.”
Daniel felt two pulls inside him. One was the uncomfortable sense that lashing out felt wrong. He didn't believe in revenge. The other was the fear that letting it go would cost them the match (and the trophy!) He stood up. He felt a rush of adrenaline to his head. And his hands were shaking.
Daniel could have retaliated, and no one would have questioned it. Part of him really wanted to. But he didn’t. He steadied himself, continued playing, and focused on the match. It was a quiet choice, almost invisible, but it took real strength. After the final whistle, the rival player walked over, paused and said quietly, “I fouled you. I lost my head in the moment. I'm truly sorry.”
Daniel didn’t say much. He just nodded. The match was finished, but the moment stayed with him. He knew how close he had come to choosing differently, and he was glad he hadn’t.
Who did you think won the match? And who experienced a victory?
Cards & Conversation
Our Cards & Conversation packs include one card for every parsha. On one side, you’ll find an interesting question from the Torah to think about and discuss. Flip it over, and you’ll discover an idea from Rabbi Sacks that shines a new light on the parsha.
“The sun was rising on him as he moved on from Penuel, limping on his thigh.”
- Bereishit 32:32
Yaakov wrestles through the night and emerges changed – with a limp and a new name. Unlike other Abrahamic religions, Judaism doesn’t portray its leaders as saints or perfect.
QUESTIONS:
Does our tradition insist on showing our ancestors as flawed and human? If so, why?
Rabbi Sacks on Bereishit 32:32 (in the Koren Sacks Humash) offers an answer:
“The heroes of our faith do not live charmed lives. They suffer exiles, know danger, have their hopes disappointed and their expectations delayed. They fight, they struggle, but they neither give in nor give up. They are not serene. Sometimes they laugh in disbelief; there are times when they fear, tremble, weep, and even give way to anger. For they are human beings, not angels; they are people with whom we can identify, not saints to be worshipped. Yaakov teaches us that we cannot pre-empt crisis, nor should we minimise it, but we can survive it, thus becoming worthy of bearing the name of one who has struggled with God and with man and prevailed.”
Find out more about our packs of discussion cards by visiting the webpage:
“That is why, to this day, the Israelites do not eat the sciatic nerve by the hip socket: because he wrenched Yaakov’s hip socket at the sciatic nerve.”
- Bereishit 32:33
Practically Speaking
What is the Torah teaching us?
After wrestling through the night, Yaakov is injured in the gid ha-nasheh, and the Torah teaches that we avoid this part of the animal to this day, whenever we eat meat.
Rabbi Sacks explains that Yaakov’s fear was not only about being harmed. He was also troubled by the possibility of harming someone else. The mitzvah of gid ha-nasheh reminds us to carry that same sensitivity into our own lives. Just because we can act with force does not always mean we should. Sometimes real strength is shown through restraint, careful thinking and choosing not to cause unnecessary hurt.
This mitzva encourages us to pause before we act. It teaches that holiness is not only found in our actions, but also in the times when we hold back.
Try it Out
Young students
Think about something you choose not to do because it keeps you safe or helps you make good choices. It could be a place, a behaviour or a habit. Share one example with your family and explain why it matters to you.
Advancing students
Consider a moment when you had the power to act strongly but chose to act wisely instead. What guided your choice, and how might you practise that again this week?
Learning in Layers
Guiding you through Torah step by step, with insights from the Koren Sacks Humash with translation and commentary by Rabbi Sacks. Each step takes us a little deeper and invites ‘Torah as Conversation,’ just as Rabbi Sacks taught.
“And Yaakov was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until dawn.”
Yaakov has sent his family ahead, hoping they will be safe. But now he is in danger. Someone has attacked him, right when he is alone. Is it Eisav? The text does not say it is the brother he was bracing himself to face. It is a man. Or someone in the form of a man. We will later learn that it is an angel... what is going on?
Rashi's grandson, Rashbam, gives an extraordinary interpretation of Yaakov’s wrestling match. Fearing the confrontation with Eisav, Yaakov wanted to run away. He was already apart from his family when God sent an angel to wrestle with him to prevent him from doing so.
On this reading, God is teaching Yaakov how to wrestle with his fears and defeat them.
Even animals sense fear. Predators chase those who run away. The way of safety is to stay calm and still. An inner sense of self-confidence and trust does not mean that one will never have to fight battles. Economics and politics are intrinsically conflictual. Much of life is a zero-sum competition for scarce goods in which some win, some lose. But spiritual goods – love, trust, friendship, the pursuit of knowledge – are not zero-sum. The more we share, the more we have. So our deepest psychological and spiritual goods need never be bought at the cost of others. That knowledge alone – that Yaakov and Eisav can each have their own blessings without envying one another – is enough to remove many, even most, of the conflicts by which people cause one another pain.
The Rashbam is saying that Yaakov’s real fight that night was not with an angel, but with himself. Yaakov wanted to run away rather than face Eisav, and the angel’s struggle forced him to stop, stay put and confront what he feared. Sometimes God does not remove our fears but makes us wrestle with them so we can grow strong enough to face reality instead of escaping it.
What does this interpretation teach us about the purpose of struggle in our own lives, especially when the challenge feels unwanted or overwhelming?
Why do you think certain feelings or fears are more difficult to face than others?
In a Nutshell Parshat Vayishlach tells the story of the meeting between Yaakov and Eisav after twenty-two years of separation. Hearing that his brother is…
Fear or Distress?
Family Edition
Vayishlach
Inspired by the teachings of Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks
The Summary
Yaakov and Eisav are about to meet again after twenty-two years apart. Their last encounter ended with Eisav vowing to kill Yaakov for taking his blessing. Yaakov sends messengers to let Eisav know he is on his way. They return with worrying news: Eisav is coming to meet him – with a force of four hundred men. The Torah then says: “Yaakov was greatly afraid and distressed.” (Bereishit 32:8)
Why the double expression - afraid and distressed? They seem rather similar. We are also taught that every word in the Torah is important, so there must be something to be learned from the emphasis on Yaakov’s fear and distress, or we wouldn't see both adjectives in the text.
The Midrash offers a profound answer: “He was afraid that he might be killed, and distressed that he might have to kill.”
Fear is physical anxiety; distress is moral anxiety. Yaakov feared for his own life - but also dreaded becoming the cause of another’s death.
Yet this raises a question: Jewish law permits self-defence If Eisav attacked, Yaakov would be permitted to fight back, even to kill if necessary. In such a situation, it would not cross a moral line. So why was he distressed?
Rabbi Shabbetai Bass, author of Siftei Chachamim, suggests: Yaakov feared that in defending himself, he might harm Eisav’s men - some of whom might not be intent on killing him personally. The Torah demands the minimum use of force. If someone can be stopped without being killed, it is wrong to take their life. Yaakov was distressed at the possibility that, in the confusion of battle, he might cross that moral line.
There is another possibility: that Yaakov’s distress was deeper still. Even if killing in self-defence were completely justified, he would still feel anguish at having to take a life.
This introduces the idea of a moral dilemma. Many moral conflicts can be resolved - Jewish law provides principles to decide between competing duties, such as breaking Shabbat to save a life. But a dilemma is different: it is a situation in which every option involves pain or loss. Yaakov faced one - he must either risk being killed, or kill another, to survive. Both options troubled him.
Sometimes doing the right thing doesn’t free us from regret. There are choices that remain tragic, even when morally justified. A righteous person may act correctly yet still feel sorrow at what had to be done.
Judaism is acutely aware such moments. Its laws are detailed, but not every moral tension can be solved with logic alone. The greatness of Yaakov was that he felt distress even when rightly defending himself - a sign not of weakness but of moral sensitivity.
That same quality has stayed with the Jewish people throughout history. After Israel’s Six Day War in 1967, when the nation faced destruction but achieved a miraculous victory, the mood among soldiers was not celebration, but reflection. Yitzhak Rabin, then Chief of Staff and later the Prime Minister of Israel, described it as follows:
“Their joy is incomplete… The warriors saw not only the glory of victory but the price of victory: their comrades who fell beside them… even the terrible price our enemies paid touched the hearts of many.”
Yaakov’s inner conflict lives on in his descendants. And a people capable of feeling distress, even in victory, is one that knows the tragic complexity of the moral life. Sometimes it is not enough to make the right choice. We must also strive to create a world where such choices do not arise, because we have sought and found non-violent ways of resolving conflict.
Around the Shabbat Table
Questions to Ponder
1. Have you ever faced a situation where every choice felt wrong in some way? What did you do?
2. What’s the difference between physical danger and moral danger?
3. Which do you think is harder to face?
A Takeaway Thought
Yaakov’s fear was not only for his own life, but for what he might be forced to do. Judaism recognises that some choices are tragic even when they are right. True courage is facing the danger without losing our humanity.
Exploring the Parsha
With Sara Lamm
The Parsha in a Nutshell
Vayishlach means “And he sent.” After twenty years in Charan, Yaakov has packed up his cattle, gathered his wives and children, and left the house of Lavan. Now he is finally returning to his family home. But there is something on his mind. He ran away because Eisav (his brother) wanted to kill him. So before he returns, he makes a few preparations.
He sends messengers to Eisav, to deliver his hopes for peace. They report that Eisav is coming with four hundred men. So Yaakov prays to Hashem, prepares gifts that may appease Eisav, and readies himself for danger. He also splits his family into two groups, hoping to make them harder to find and ensuring their safety.
That night, after helping his family all cross the river ahead of him, Yaakov remains behind. He is alone, and in the dark. Then he meets a mysterious man. An angel, perhaps? They wrestle until daybreak. Then he tells the being, “I will not let you go until you bless me.” Wounded yet victorious, he is given the new name “Yisrael”, and limps forward on his journey.
Then Yaakov and Eisav meet and - surprisingly - they embrace. They part in peace.
In Shechem, Dina is harmed and Shimon and Levi respond. Rachel dies giving birth to Binyamin on the journey, Yaakov reunites with Yitzchak, and the parsha ends by detailing the lineage of Eisav and Edom.
Parsha Activity
Freeze Wrestling
Two players stand facing each other and try to make the other laugh, lose balance, or move backwards first. There’s one restriction: No touching at all! The “wrestling” is purely about focus and restraint. The first to wobble over, or laugh, or retreat, loses the round, and the next player stands up to face their opponent.
For a bonus activity, at the end of each round, the two opponents can give each other blessings and new names to reflect positive attributes about their character, just like the angel did for Yaakov!
A Story for the Ages
Frenzied Football
Daniel was the captain of his school’s football team. It had been a year of highs and lows for the players, but throughout it all they had trained hard, and Daniel did his best to lead them well. Now it was the final match of the year, and if they won, they’d be the champions of their district! The score was tied, and there were four minutes left. Suddenly a player from the other team drove into Daniel from behind.
He hit the ground hard. The referee didn’t catch it. But Daniel knew exactly what had happened. So did the crowd. And so did his teammates. When the boys saw him fall, they ran over to help him up. Angrily they told him to “give it back to him.”
Daniel felt two pulls inside him. One was the uncomfortable sense that lashing out felt wrong. He didn't believe in revenge. The other was the fear that letting it go would cost them the match (and the trophy!) He stood up. He felt a rush of adrenaline to his head. And his hands were shaking.
Daniel could have retaliated, and no one would have questioned it. Part of him really wanted to. But he didn’t. He steadied himself, continued playing, and focused on the match. It was a quiet choice, almost invisible, but it took real strength. After the final whistle, the rival player walked over, paused and said quietly, “I fouled you. I lost my head in the moment. I'm truly sorry.”
Daniel didn’t say much. He just nodded. The match was finished, but the moment stayed with him. He knew how close he had come to choosing differently, and he was glad he hadn’t.
Who did you think won the match? And who experienced a victory?
Cards & Conversation
Our Cards & Conversation packs include one card for every parsha. On one side, you’ll find an interesting question from the Torah to think about and discuss. Flip it over, and you’ll discover an idea from Rabbi Sacks that shines a new light on the parsha.
“The sun was rising on him as he moved on from Penuel, limping on his thigh.”
- Bereishit 32:32
Yaakov wrestles through the night and emerges changed – with a limp and a new name. Unlike other Abrahamic religions, Judaism doesn’t portray its leaders as saints or perfect.
QUESTIONS:
Does our tradition insist on showing our ancestors as flawed and human? If so, why?
Rabbi Sacks on Bereishit 32:32 (in the Koren Sacks Humash) offers an answer:
“The heroes of our faith do not live charmed lives. They suffer exiles, know danger, have their hopes disappointed and their expectations delayed. They fight, they struggle, but they neither give in nor give up. They are not serene. Sometimes they laugh in disbelief; there are times when they fear, tremble, weep, and even give way to anger. For they are human beings, not angels; they are people with whom we can identify, not saints to be worshipped. Yaakov teaches us that we cannot pre-empt crisis, nor should we minimise it, but we can survive it, thus becoming worthy of bearing the name of one who has struggled with God and with man and prevailed.”
Find out more about our packs of discussion cards by visiting the webpage:
Parsha in Practice
Mitzva of the Week
“That is why, to this day, the Israelites do not eat the sciatic nerve by the hip socket: because he wrenched Yaakov’s hip socket at the sciatic nerve.”
- Bereishit 32:33
Practically Speaking
What is the Torah teaching us?
After wrestling through the night, Yaakov is injured in the gid ha-nasheh, and the Torah teaches that we avoid this part of the animal to this day, whenever we eat meat.
Rabbi Sacks explains that Yaakov’s fear was not only about being harmed. He was also troubled by the possibility of harming someone else. The mitzvah of gid ha-nasheh reminds us to carry that same sensitivity into our own lives. Just because we can act with force does not always mean we should. Sometimes real strength is shown through restraint, careful thinking and choosing not to cause unnecessary hurt.
This mitzva encourages us to pause before we act. It teaches that holiness is not only found in our actions, but also in the times when we hold back.
Try it Out
Young students
Think about something you choose not to do because it keeps you safe or helps you make good choices. It could be a place, a behaviour or a habit. Share one example with your family and explain why it matters to you.
Advancing students
Consider a moment when you had the power to act strongly but chose to act wisely instead. What guided your choice, and how might you practise that again this week?
Learning in Layers
Guiding you through Torah step by step, with insights from the Koren Sacks Humash with translation and commentary by Rabbi Sacks. Each step takes us a little deeper and invites ‘Torah as Conversation,’ just as Rabbi Sacks taught.
Find out more about the Koren Sacks Humash >
Examining Lavan’s deception on Ya'akov's wedding night
.וַיִּוָּתֵר יַעֲקֹב, לְבַדּוֹ; וַיֵּאָבֵק אִישׁ עִמּוֹ, עַד עֲלוֹת הַשָּׁחַר
“And Yaakov was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until dawn.”
Yaakov has sent his family ahead, hoping they will be safe. But now he is in danger. Someone has attacked him, right when he is alone. Is it Eisav? The text does not say it is the brother he was bracing himself to face. It is a man. Or someone in the form of a man. We will later learn that it is an angel... what is going on?
Rashi's grandson, Rashbam, gives an extraordinary interpretation of Yaakov’s wrestling match. Fearing the confrontation with Eisav, Yaakov wanted to run away. He was already apart from his family when God sent an angel to wrestle with him to prevent him from doing so.
On this reading, God is teaching Yaakov how to wrestle with his fears and defeat them.
Even animals sense fear. Predators chase those who run away. The way of safety is to stay calm and still. An inner sense of self-confidence and trust does not mean that one will never have to fight battles. Economics and politics are intrinsically conflictual. Much of life is a zero-sum competition for scarce goods in which some win, some lose. But spiritual goods – love, trust, friendship, the pursuit of knowledge – are not zero-sum. The more we share, the more we have. So our deepest psychological and spiritual goods need never be bought at the cost of others. That knowledge alone – that Yaakov and Eisav can each have their own blessings without envying one another – is enough to remove many, even most, of the conflicts by which people cause one another pain.
The Rashbam is saying that Yaakov’s real fight that night was not with an angel, but with himself. Yaakov wanted to run away rather than face Eisav, and the angel’s struggle forced him to stop, stay put and confront what he feared. Sometimes God does not remove our fears but makes us wrestle with them so we can grow strong enough to face reality instead of escaping it.
Encountering God
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No Longer Shall You Be Called Jacob
Physical Fear, Moral Distress