Celebrating Life: Finding Happiness in Unexpected Places

Overview

Following the painful loss of his father, Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks began to learn how to celebrate life in a new way. He discovered where happiness lives, often in unexpected places, through family, community, friendship, and responsibilities. He also found it through a renewed relationship with God who speaks to our deepest needs.

Index

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10 Downing Street lunch  17–19

A

• Abel  99
• abortion  113
• Abraham  99, 102, 177
• achievement  115–16, 171–2
• Adam  98, 99
• addiction  185
• advances in society, speed of  171–2
• age of anxiety  1
• age of incorrigibility  183
• aggression  139, 140
• alcohol abuse  172
• Allen, Woody  1, 126
• altruism  61, 139, 140
• American Dearation of Independence  1
• anthropology  59
• anti-Semitism  155
• anxiety  1, 11, 186
• Aristotle  50
• Arnold, Matthew  56
• art  191
• aspiration  182, 183
• assimilation  155
• association, art of  143
• Attenborough, Lord Richard  105–6
• Augeries of Innocence  19
• Auschwitz  43–4, 174–5, 176
• Axelrod, Robert  139

B

• Baal, meanings  90–1
• Baal prophets  73, 74
• bad news  20–1
• Bayley, John  164
• Bellah, Robert  179
• belonging  54, 131, 145, 146
• Benigni, Roberto  4
• Bentham, Jeremy  50
• Ben Zoma, Rabbi  42, 44
• bereavement  63–4
• Berger, Peter  38
• Berlin, Sir Isaiah  163, 164
• Bet Midrash  76–7
• Bevis Marks Synagogue  166
• the Bible  99–100, 109–10, 115, 154
  • and ethics of speech  127
  • Hosea, book of  90
  • and linear time  177–8
  • and memory  117
  • and rights  129
  • on the Tabernacle  82–3
• Birmingham Six  166
• Blake, William  19
• blasphemy  119
• blessings  18–19, 34
• blood libels  157
• blood pressure  11
• Bohr, Niels  43, 68, 155
• bowling alone  141
• bread, mezonot  18
• Britain on the Couch (James)  14
• Buber, Martin  167
• Burke, Edmund  116

C

• Cahill, Thomas  177
• Cain  99
• cancer  96–7
• canopy, bridal  145
• capitalism  14–15
• Carter, Stephen L.  124–5
• catastrophe, natural  177
• Catholics  165
• C: Because Cowards get Cancer Too (Diamond)  96–7
• change  57–8, 59, 182–3, 184, 185, 186
• charity  130
• Charles, Prince  159
• chesed  125
• Chesterton, G. K.  101, 190
• childcare  93
• childhood  92, 94
• children  93–4, 99, 100, 102, 104, 114, 172
  • and emotional intelligence  95
  • escaping from Nazi Europe  105–6
  • giving them strength to believe in themselves  161
  • of God  103
  • and marriage  98
  • and parents  63
  • and stammering  184–5
  • teaching moral wisdom to  120–1
• Christianity  56, 166
• Churchill, Winston  157
• civility  117, 125
• Civility (Carter)  124–5
• civil society  125
• cognitive approaches  30
• cognitive therapy  16
• collective interest  138
• collective wellbeing  143
• common good  139, 143
• communities  135–7, 139–40, 141–3, 144–6, 153, 182
  • of faith  53–5, 60–1, 137
  • virtual  187
• compassion  115
• competition  54, 55
• complaining  29, 31, 33–4
• concentration camp survivors  175
• confidences  126, 127
• conflict  54, 61, 116, 178–9
• conflict resolution  116, 118
• congregations  142–3
  • see also houses of worship
• consciousness  67, 68
• consumption growth  179
• conversation  78
• co-operation  55, 139, 140
• corruption  21
• countercultural force  190, 192
• courage  189
• covenantal relationship  89, 102
• creation  33, 103, 109, 110–11
• creativity  33, 44, 81
• ‘Credo’ columns, The Times  40
• crime  140, 172
• critical intelligence  80
• criticism  30
• Cromwell, Oliver  157
• crudity  119
• Crusades  156
• culture  50, 60

D

• Dalai Lama  167
• Darwin, Charles  138
• death  96, 97
• debt relief  166
• Demography  10
• depression  2, 3, 11, 14, 30, 172
• desires, instant satisfaction of  172
• Diamond, John  96–7
• difference  117, 118, 154–5, 183
• dignity  58, 60, 180, 183
• discretion  127
• Divine love  149
• Divine Providence  36
• divorce  93, 172
• doctorate  87
• Downing Street lunch  17–19
• drowning, rescue from  8
• drugs  3, 123, 172
• duties  129
• duty-based culture  129, 131

E

• Ecclesiastes  12, 48
• economics  53, 54, 59, 191
• ecosystem  93
• Elijah  73–4
• Emile (Rousseau)  181
• emotion  117
• emotional intelligence  95, 101
• emunah  88–9, 191
  • see also faith
• England
  • hurricane, 1987  185–6
  • and religious toleration  157
• the Enlightenment  179, 180
• environment  179
• equity  116
• Esau  99
• ethics  172–3
  • of speech  127
• Eve  98, 99
• evil  21–2
• exploitation  61

F

• failure  32–4
• fairness  116
• faith  4, 59–61, 62–3, 190–1
  • and asking questions  80
  • communities of  53–5, 60–1, 137
  • and facing the future  89
  • and friendship with other faiths  162, 165
  • and how we live  12–11
  • and life expectancy  10–11
  • loss of  56–8
  • in the personal  68
  • and silence  77
  • sustained discipline of meditation on the mirae of being  9
  • teaches to us see what exists, not merely what catches our attention  21
  • and uncertainty  83, 189
  • valuing other  159–60
  • see also religion
• faithfulness  92
• families  93–5, 99–100, 106, 181
  • breakdown of  21
  • celebrating the Sabbath together  23–4
  • helping to cure defects  184–5
  • and trust  182
• fatherhood  94, 95
• fathers  105
  • Jonathan Sacks’s  62–4
• fear  185, 186
• Ferris, Timothy  80–1
• Feuerbach, Ludwig  83
• fidelity  115
• forgiveness  63–4, 139
• Frankl, Viktor  43–4
• freedom  44, 111, 115, 178
  • the art of association  143
  • and religion  57, 72
• French Revolution  181
• friends, and strangers  144, 146, 167
• friendship  54, 114, 161, 162, 165
• Fukuyama, Francis  1, 153
• fundamentalist  80
• funerals  50–1
• the future  87–8, 116, 118, 188
• and faith  89
• and God  189
• and moral principles  182

G

• games theory  138
• Genesis  91, 99, 100, 109
• The Gifts of the Jew (Cahill)  177
• giving  55
• global communication  172, 187
• glue  32
• God  70, 157–8
  • always with us  89, 189
  • and asking questions  79, 81
  • and Cardinal Hume  167
  • covenantal relationship with  89, 102
  • and creation  110–11
  • and critical intelligence  80
  • and Elijah  73–4
  • and his children  103
  • and Hosea  90
  • image of  59, 60, 72, 100, 117, 125, 129, 155
  • is a person  102, 148–9, 192
  • and listening  74–5, 76
  • lives on earth  154
  • loss of  56
  • and marriage  91
  • objective reality of the personal  191
  • as parent  104, 162
  • in the personal  68, 69
  • and silence  78
  • speaking to  61
  • and Succot  189
  • voice of  64
  • and wars  153
  • and where he lives  82, 83, 84
• good news  20, 22
  • file of  30–1
• gossip  126–7
• government  53, 57
• grace  180
• grace before meals  17–19
• grapes  19
• The Great Disruption (Fukuyama)  1
• The Guide for the Perplexed (Maimonides)  33
• Guildford Four  166

H

• Halevi, Judah  102
• happiness  3–4, 98
  • definitions  50
  • elusiveness of  1–2, 12
  • from marriage and houses of worship  11
  • needs tranquility  25
  • and the personal  192
  • and sharing  49
  • and values  51–2
• Hassidism  82, 83
• having it all  47, 123
• Hawking, Stephen  103
• Hayyim of Sens, Rabbi  156
• headlines, see life as  41
• health  10–11
• Hebrew Bible see the Bible
• Heller, Joseph  178
• hermeneutic of suspicion  61
• Herzog, Chaim  17
• Heschel, A. J.  82
• Holocaust  4, 165, 175, 179
• honesty  115
• honour  127
• hope  22, 71, 173, 180
  • and Holocaust survivors  175
  • and time  177, 178
• Hosea, book of  90–1, 92
• houses of worship  10–11, 53–4, 144–6
• hubris  71
• The Human Body  67
• humanity  110, 117
• human nature  3
• human rights  129
• Hume, Cardinal  165–7
• Hume, David  117, 182
• humility  165
• humour  38, 39
• hurricane, Southeast England, 1987  185–6

I

• ‘I,’ use of  48, 61
• ideals  63, 64
• identity  153
• Ignatieff, Michael  163
• immortality  64
• immune systems  11
• impartiality  116
• impersonal theories  60–1
• impersonal world  191, 192
• incivility  119, 140
• incorrigibility, age of  183
• indiscretion  126
• industry  116
• Inge, Dean  136
• insecurity  95, 189
• institutions, need to value  164
• intelligence
  • critical  80
  • emotional  95, 101
• Isaac  99
• Isaiah  83, 103
• Ish  91
• Ishmael  99
• Islam  56
• Israeli Cabinet  18
• Israel Museum  148
• Italy  7–8

J

• Jacob  99
• James, Oliver  14
• Jewish Sabbath  23–4
• Jews
  • and difference  154–5
  • reconciliation and friendship with Catholics  165
  • and Succot  188–9
• Job, book of  79
• jokes  38, 39
• Joseph  43
• joy  3
• Judaism
  • communal faith  136
  • encourages asking questions  80
  • and ethics of speech  127
  • and holy words  191
  • religion of questions  79
  • talkative faith  77
  • and tzedakah  130
  • worships God in particularistic way  154
• justice  116, 130, 166
• justified criticism  30

K

• Kant, Immanuel  59, 117
• Kierkegaard, Søren  82
• Kindertransport  105
• kindness, acts of  125
• King, Martin Luther  167
• knowledge, acquisition  57
• known, need to be  147–9
• Kohelet  47, 48

L

• Landor, Walter Savage  136
• language, use of  191
• Larkin, Philip  166–7
• laughter  38, 39
• lawbreaking  21
  • see also crime
• Lawson, Nigella  96–7
• learning  40, 54
• learning animals  60
• Levasseur, Thérèse  181
• Levi Yitzhak, Rabbi  23, 25
• Lewis, C. S,  3, 38–9
• Lewis, Martyn  20
• life, sanctity of  166
• life expectancy  10–11, 137
• Life is Beautiful  4
• limits, understanding  60
• linear time  177, 179–80
• listening  74–5, 76, 77–8
• living well, living long  12
• Locke, John  157
• loneliness  61, 92, 191, 192
• loss  63–4
• love  54, 55, 92, 95, 98, 115, 162
  • Divine  149
  • and faith  89
  • and families  95, 100, 106
  • and impersonal theories  61
  • and loyalty  91
  • and marriage  164
  • and pain  101
  • between parents and children  63, 104
• loyalty  91, 123
• Lubavitcher Rebbe  47–8

M

• Maccabi youth clubs’ sports competition  35–6
• Maimonides, Moses  33, 136
• Major, John  17, 18, 19
• males, and parenthood  94–5
• Malinowski, Bronislaw  77–8
• the market  2, 53, 55, 59, 182
• marriage  21, 87, 88, 92, 94–5
  • and Baal  90, 91
  • and covenantal relationship  89
  • destabilizing  93
  • and happiness  11
  • and love  164
  • one of the most majestic achievements of civilization  97–8
• Maslow, Abraham  147
• Mead, Margaret  94
• meaning-seeking animals  58
• memory  117, 173
• Mendel, Rabbi Menahem  82
• mezonot bread  18
• Mizner, Wilson  80
• moderation  116
• monotheism  70, 153
• Montefiore, Sir Moses  48–9
• moral bearings  172
• moral capital  181–2
• Moral Evasion (Selbourne)  119
• moral influence  54
• morality  52, 92, 112, 113–14, 117–18, 120
• moral judgements  119
• moral principles  64, 182
• moral relativism  166
• moral strength  123
• moral wisdom  120, 121
• Moses  33–4, 102, 177–8
• motherhood  94, 95
• mothers  103
• Mother Teresa of Calcutta  76
• Murdoch, Iris  164
• mysterium tremendum  89
• myths  70, 100, 177

N

• National Health Interview Survey  10
• natural catastrophe  177
• nature  3, 60, 110, 111, 185–6
• negative reciprocity  139
• neighbourliness  124–5
• nemesis  71
• news reporting  20–1, 22
• Nietzsche, Friedrich  56
• ‘No,’ the hardest word  122–3
• noise  77
• Norwich blood libel  157
• nothingness  89

O

• obscenity  119
• opposite, doing  42–4
• optimism  175, 180
• order  111
• Otto, Rudolph  89

P

• Paestum  7–8
• pain  101
• parchment, First Temple  148
• parenthood  93, 94, 98, 161
• parents  63, 100, 102–4, 114, 162
• the past  116, 118, 188
• Pauli, Wofgang  43
• peace  149, 167
• persecution, religious  156–7
• persistence  116, 118
• the personal  68, 69, 71, 191–2
• perspective, sense of  41
• phatic communion  78
• photography  32–3
• place of worship  137
  • see also houses of worship
• Plato  154
• Plotinus  136
• politics  53, 54, 57, 59, 182, 191
• ‘Post-It’ pad  32
• postmodernity  179
• power  54, 55, 57, 59, 91, 92
  • conflicts of  61
  • of words  127–8
• prayers
  • and good news  22
  • and houses of worship  54
  • phatic communion  78
  • of thanksgiving  15–16, 21
• prejudice  179
• priestly blessings  148
• Prime Minister, John Major  17, 18, 19
• Prisoner’s Dilemma  138–40
• progress  179, 180
• Proverbs, book of  127
• providence  36
• Psalms  148–9, 166
  • 19  77
• purpose, dignity of  60
• Putnam, Robert  141

Q

• quality time  93
• questions, asking  79, 80, 81

R

• Rabi, Isidore  79
• Rabin, Yitzhak  43
• Rapoport, Anatole  139
• Rashi  80
• rationality  180
• Rav Kook  42
• reason  117, 179
• Rebecca  99
• reciprocal altruism  139
• reciprocity  129, 139
• recognition  147–9
• reconciliation  165, 167
• reflection, pauses for  40–1
• relationships  91–2, 97
  • and God  72, 191
  • and pain  101
  • and trust  61
• relativism  166, 182
• religion  15, 153, 155, 162, 190
  • and change  183
  • and community  143
  • and conflict  178–9
  • the engine of civility  125
  • and freedom  72
  • and humour  38
  • and life expectancy  10–11
  • loss of  56–8
  • and persecution  156–7
  • and the personal  191–2
  • and spirituality  164
  • see also faith
• religious services  10–11
• resilience  184
• respect  55
• rest, making time for  24–5
• retaliation  139
• right and wrong, capacity to distinguish between  119
• righteousness  84
• rights  113, 129, 130
• rights-based culture  129
• risk  189
• Rousseau, Jean-Jacques  181, 183
• Rowntree Foundation  105
• rule of law  116
• Russell, Bertrand  73

S

• Sabbath  23–4, 144
• Sacks, Louis David  62–4
• Sadat, Anwar  43
• Salanter, Rabbi Yisrael  183
• sanctuary, portable place of worship  109, 110
• Sarah  99
• schools  172
• science  57, 59, 67, 70, 72, 103, 172–3
  • and Bohr  68
  • and the Enlightenment  179, 180
  • is impersonal  191
  • and lateral thinking  43
  • and nature  2–3
• Scotland  35–6
• secularization  57
• Seder service  79
• Selbourne, David  119, 121
• self-consciousness  67–8
• self-control  116
• self-interest  61, 138, 139, 140
• selflessness  140
• self-righteousness  84
• seminary, rabbinical  79
  • see also yeshivah
• serotonin  14
• sex  91, 92, 93, 98
• sharing  49, 54
• shtetl  40
• silence  77, 78, 128
• Singer, Isaac Bashevis  36
• single parenthood  93, 94
• social animals  60, 137
• social contract  130
• The Social Contract (Rousseau)  181
• society, laws of  110–11
• sociobiology  59, 138
• solitude  136, 191
• Solomon, King  83
• the soul  67
• speech  78, 127
• spirituality  164, 172
• stability  95
• stammering  184–5
• the state  2, 53, 55, 59
• Stirling  35–6
• strangers  117, 144, 167
• strength  98, 123, 176
• stress  24
• stress-related illness  11
• striving  64
• suicide  2, 172
• Succot  188–9
• surveys on happiness  2
• Swift, Jonathan  41
• Switzerland  7
• synagogues  144–6
  • see also houses of worship

T

• Tabernacle  83
• Tabernacles (Succot)  188–9
• teachers  172
• technology  171, 179, 184, 187
• the Temple  83
• Teresa of Calcutta, Mother  76
• thankgiving prayers  15–16, 21
• therapeutic groups  141, 142
• third domain  55
• third way  2
• ‘Thought for the Day’  40
• time  177, 178, 179–80
• ‘The Time of Our Joy’  189
• The Times, ‘Credo’ columns  40
• Tit-for Tat  139
• togetherness  115
  • see also belonging
• tolerance  57, 117, 157–8
• Tolstoy, Leo  98
• Torah  37–8, 109–10
• tragedy  43–4, 71
• tranquility, and happiness  25
• transcendence  58, 67
• transition  184
• tributes at funerals  50–1
• trust  61, 95, 104, 115, 120, 128, 139
  • and co-operation  140
  • and duty-based culture  129
  • and families  182
  • lack of  92, 127, 142
  • and relationships  191
• Twerski, Abraham  79
• tzedakah  130

U

• unburdening  136–7
• uncertainty  83, 89, 184, 188, 189
• the unexpected, doing  44
• United States  172
• universe, creation of  109, 110
• universities  57
• unjustified criticism  30

V

• valued, sense of being  11, 59, 147–9
• values  51, 159–60, 186, 191, 192
• violence  172
• virtual communities  187
• virtues  113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 127
• vision, need for  191
• voluntary organizations  141, 142
• vulnerability  83, 98

W

• Wall Street Journal  2
• wars  153, 178–9
• wealth  47, 53, 54
• wedding  145
• wellbeing  143
• The Whole Shebang (Ferris)  80–1
• Wiesel, Elie  77
• Wilson, James Q.  101
• Winston, Lord Robert  67
• wisdom  120, 121
• Wittgenstein, Ludwig  9, 44
• words, and power  127–8
• Wordsworth, William  77, 106
• work  23, 24
• worship, houses of  10–11, 53–4, 137, 144–6
• worth, sense of  148
• Wuthnow, Robert  142

X

Y

• yeshivah  76–7, 78, 79
• York blood libel  157

Z

• zero sum games  54
• Zusya of Hanipol  30